Illumination #1

I have recently begun a Masters of Visual Arts program at Sabanci University in Istanbul. As part of my VA505 class - Addressing studio creative practice, we have been asked to start a blog to help guide us through this process of self discovering and refining our artistic interests - as well as motivating us to think about how we can write academically about our artistic practice and output.

This is the first post, where I am going to talk about and think about and obsess over some general existential and somewhat daunting artistic questions: What do I do?  What do I love? Who am I? And why do I do what I do? I am referring to these entries as "Illuminations", partially as a fun nod to rebellious French poet Arthur Rimbaud (forever a formative influence and inspiration), but also because as the weeks go by, I hope my interests and focus becomes clearer and more, well, "illuminated".

What do I do. I observe. I obsess. I wander. I walk. I watch. I try and find magic. I explore alone the places I am drawn to. I document. I draw. I take photos of things I dont want to forget. I try and find beauty in chaos, in urban dislocation, in isolation, in sorrow, in a reality that could be magical, in finding shreds of something deeper than every day noise. Then I put it all into my mind and edit it and add something undefinable and then try to distill the essence of my dreamscape and put it back into reality.

What do I love. I love to walk, find evocative places out of  the urban chaos of Istanbul and other big cities, to get lost, when my imagination fills in the gaps, things that sparkle, things that are dusty, nostalgia, crooked smiles, moments of chance, blasts of colour out of the grey, poetry, romanticism, strangeness, disorder, asymmetry, the feeling of film in a camera, buying film, making marks on paper, writing, sincerity, surrealism, mysticism, myths, symbolism, old books, history, religions, "the middle east", examining my own orientalism, unknown alleyways, nostalgic smells, memory, coincendence, fate.

Who am I? I am a person in love with being an observer. I am a Canadian in Turkey. I am obsessively interested in the Middle East region (whether you consider Turkey part of it or not) and I never have a very good answer for why. I am an artist and a writer and a photographer. I am sincere. I am a loud introvert. I am a little bit rebellious. I am a feminist. I am an optimist. I am a believer in fate and finding evidence of it.

Why do I do what I do?  Because I want to make people think about what they see and assume about Istanbul. Because I love to take photos and walk and have no destination. Because I want to challenge stereotypes of being female and a street photographer in Istanbul. Because I want to evoke emotions. Because I want to be understood. Because I want to understand.